Smashing

The small geode in this picture is the only unbroken one I still have.

As a child, my cousins and I would spend summer days prowling the Des Moines river and streams around Bonaparte, Iowa for geodes, littering the banks with the broken flotsam of 'duds' and carrying our crystal treasures up the hill to Grandmas house as if we had struck gold.

Those were happy times, but not all of my childhood was like that. Over the past couple of weeks I have been doing energy work and guided meditations -  focusing, working very hard to find and remove blockages that are preventing me from manifesting the life I want and the abundance I need to live it.

Not surprisingly, in hindsight, I found something in my very early childhood that I have always known of without realizing the deep rooted effect it has had on me. Without going into boring details, because of this, I have always had deeply imprinted feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, which simply means that, in spite of all the mechanisms I have developed to compensate, I have never really believed I deserve to have the things, or the life I've dreamed of.

Don't get me wrong. I love my life now. I live in a place I never want to leave. I have made wonderful friends and met someone I believe will be important to me for a very long time; and I got here by following my heart and intuitions. I didn't always know - heck, I never knew - what the actual reasons for those intuitions were, but I've learned, especially over the past few years, to listen closely and act on them when appropriate.

Lately they've been telling me I've got this, and to begin to pay attention to anything pointing me in the direction of living the life I want with the freedom I need to be happy. I had never heard of abundance blocks before, but that's now in the past. I've since learned what mine are, how to take consistent action to get rid of them, and I think I've made good progress over the past week or so - but I've been hammering on it and thinking about it way too much! So I decided this weekend I wasn't gonna think about it....you know, let it go, and I was, until this morning when I got out of bed.

This little geode has always been kept with my other altar stones, unbroken, as a symbol of the earth and it's unseen mysteries.

Until this morning, I had never given thought to breaking it. Suddenly, out of the blue, it is now a symbol of the negative energies of my childhood and I know it is time to release them. As a symbol of earth abundance and prosperity, intuition also tells me that breaking it will symbolically release those abundance blocks.

Even with all that certainty, I was still amazed to find the perfect stone for this particular ritual waiting at the foot of the stairs to my apartment. I'd never noticed it before, except to note that the most amazing smelling pineapple chamomile grows around it all summer.

The geode was solid and took four good whacks before it broke. The pieces flew and I had to search through dead leaves to find them. When I did, I felt that I wasn't done yet, so I hit the larger piece again, twice, and it relented.

My effort revealed pure white quartz druzy that sparkles in the sunshine, bright as today's new snow - so beautiful....so, has anything changed?

Well....I feel lighter; and I feel happy that there was crystal inside and not dust, as if that is a good omen.

As kids, my cousins and I opened many geodes of all sizes and found iron dust or dirt instead of the coveted crystals, so after holding on to this little gem for so many years in honor of its mystery, I feel honored to be moved to release the negativity it held for me and reveal its beauty today.

I won't keep the pieces as that energy is no longer mine. Tonight's waning moon will take it with her and the stone is given back to the earth.

Now it's time to make some lists and get to work.....

Namaste